Spamming the spam calls

I have a deep and special hatred for spam calls. I get anything up to four rage-inducing, work-interrupting, badly timed calls every damn day, and you know what stops me tanning my phone out the window? Taking the piss. Popular tactics in this house include:

Car insurance scams: Tell them that yes, I crashed into a clown car just last week. It took them three hours to all get out, then they followed me home, now the place looks like a circus, there’s a lion in the shed and nothing in the fridge but pies, can you send an exterminator please?

Internet scams: Damn right there’s something up with my router, it’s full of snakes. Every site re-directs to and my youtube history is shocking.

Everyone else: “You’re through to someone who doesn’t give a damn,please hold.” (put on some music, have a dance)

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